Internal pain no bigger than the size of a fist
Its the close call of the month end.
All finances are used up and the clock is running down to the final seconds
Right now, $212.98 in da bank, $45 in my pocket. Leaving for BKK in 3 days. Will the pay get in on time? will it be in on the 28th? no one knows. I will be drawing out $200 for to buy the stuff for them. Talk about cutting it fine and thin. Work should be at a standstill. I still have to buy food for Julie. Dammit .. she not going to pay me back. I mean, I don't mind buying her food. But I am soon to be broke. I am trying not to hit the card to offend... Why? You may ask. Because I have a FUCKING brain. I rationalize it. Cos I am helping the fucking hand that is pushing me down.
I hate it
I hate everything
I hate the fact that they keep telling me that times are bad when my sister is overseas. I am surprised that luck have granted her with useful material gifts for her birthdays and her work when I was in the national service is able to finance her studies. Right.. explains why I am a baboon's ass
I hate the fact that the reason they have to scrimp and save is because they FUCKING did not listen to me and bought the house
I hate the fact that they did not rent out the house when I tell them
I hate the fact that THEY NEVER FUCKING LISTENS TO ME.
I hate the fact that people come up and tell me that I am a nice person. Well what the fuck am i suppose to be? Evil?
I hate the fact that it seem to pay to be evil that be good, God.. I serious think that your management skills is really crap. There seems to be more incentive to be bad than good.
I hate the fact that what I say is turn to a deaf ear and I cannot find it in myself to empathize when they get hurt
COS THEY DESERVE IT.
I deserve to be lonely too.
Of all wonders bestowed to men. I am cursed to walk with it's gift. The gift of though, rationalisation and empathy. To me its not a gift, its a curse beyound curses that I am made to see in silent misery. Silent for everyone turns a deaf ear.
This is my woe. This eternal pain. Makes me want to go to Lacuna and fry my brains. I don't want to think. I just want to be like everyone else. Dumb, mindless sheep, bred as stock for the higher order.
Why?
Why am I resisting confromity? Why am I giving up sanity for a shot at individuality?
All finances are used up and the clock is running down to the final seconds
Right now, $212.98 in da bank, $45 in my pocket. Leaving for BKK in 3 days. Will the pay get in on time? will it be in on the 28th? no one knows. I will be drawing out $200 for to buy the stuff for them. Talk about cutting it fine and thin. Work should be at a standstill. I still have to buy food for Julie. Dammit .. she not going to pay me back. I mean, I don't mind buying her food. But I am soon to be broke. I am trying not to hit the card to offend... Why? You may ask. Because I have a FUCKING brain. I rationalize it. Cos I am helping the fucking hand that is pushing me down.
I hate it
I hate everything
I hate the fact that they keep telling me that times are bad when my sister is overseas. I am surprised that luck have granted her with useful material gifts for her birthdays and her work when I was in the national service is able to finance her studies. Right.. explains why I am a baboon's ass
I hate the fact that the reason they have to scrimp and save is because they FUCKING did not listen to me and bought the house
I hate the fact that they did not rent out the house when I tell them
I hate the fact that THEY NEVER FUCKING LISTENS TO ME.
I hate the fact that people come up and tell me that I am a nice person. Well what the fuck am i suppose to be? Evil?
I hate the fact that it seem to pay to be evil that be good, God.. I serious think that your management skills is really crap. There seems to be more incentive to be bad than good.
I hate the fact that what I say is turn to a deaf ear and I cannot find it in myself to empathize when they get hurt
COS THEY DESERVE IT.
I deserve to be lonely too.
Of all wonders bestowed to men. I am cursed to walk with it's gift. The gift of though, rationalisation and empathy. To me its not a gift, its a curse beyound curses that I am made to see in silent misery. Silent for everyone turns a deaf ear.
This is my woe. This eternal pain. Makes me want to go to Lacuna and fry my brains. I don't want to think. I just want to be like everyone else. Dumb, mindless sheep, bred as stock for the higher order.
Why?
Why am I resisting confromity? Why am I giving up sanity for a shot at individuality?
gibberish posted by death&taxes at
4/25/2005 10:48:00 PM
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