Mai Kao Jai

That means "don't know" in Thai. Cos I think I don't know a lot of things, about the world about me.
What don't I know about the world?
1) Why is there death?
2) Why are there emotions?
3) Why does thought be such a chore?
4) What are you thinking?
5) What do you want?

About me?
Well, I think no one would really know themselves cos we are ever changing. Some things are fixed, but they will evolve (read. Change) hahaha.. What an oxymoron. Just in case you did not know what an oxymoron is (I didn't till I went to find out the exact meaning) here is the meaning from our good friends at dictionary.com

oxymoron
n : conjoining contradictory terms (as in `deafening silence')

Ok.. back to the story.. and my point that I want to at about egoist me ... (what? it's my blog anyway right? nneeeh)
I know what drives me crazy about a girl. Not that any girl, would want to date a guy whose blogs she read with fucked up english. (btw, I'm from Singapore, that explains the pigeon half-baked englirsh)
Ok.. again.. here are the top 5 things that knock me off my socks about a girl, in no particular order, a la High Fidelity.
1) Big earrings. (explains why the women of the Karen tribes have big earlobes, and long necks)
2) Non-squeaky voice (I wanted to say husky, but I maybe sending the wrong message)
3)Killer smile (with teeth or no teeth, if she can petrify me with her smile, she's got the job!)
4)Anything that makes me want to stay in bed longer with her (nuff said, I gotta love her morning voice or morning look)
5)Awareness (think fast, move faster. Hey, I do the same thing too)

These 5 things are not cast in stone, from time to time, it may change and I may add addition (huh?) details.

Anyway, i gotta sleep.. WTF, it's 4 and i got 3 hours to sleep.

nite.

Triste

Played marathon WoW this weekend. No mood to do anything really. Especially when you have the feeling of losing someone, well sort of losing. It was a bad idea to watch Be With Me, at least for me. It was sad, almost well up with tears at the beginning. It all went downhill from there. The only pocket of happiness is where the 2 girls were having their “honeymoon period”. I miss Grandma really much. Uncle James is going too, I should pay my respects, or say bye or something. edwin is right about the show being good, but it’s the other portions that are good. So many things come to mind watching that show, old age, first kiss, the look and feel one gives another. I just want to curl up like an armadillo. Don’t even want to go to work tomorrow. But I think I have to. Maybe take half day off, won’t expect anything going on too. I am so down. I wish I have someone now, but I know I will never have. I think I have lost the meaning of Love. heh, lucky me

Oh, this dismay feeling of down-ness must be because my birthday is coming. I dread birthdays. Year after year I hope for a happier one but it seems more and more grey and solemn. Now I just wish it would quickly pass and I can get on my way to a miserable and lonely death. In a weird way, I am looking forward to my demise, so that I can see the joy and the true beauty of everything when I am too late to embrace it.

Ah.. tis my life,

Music for the moment, on my playlist
Trust by The Cure
Mad World by Gary Jules
Blower’s daughter by Daimen Rice
Let go by Nada Surf

Depressing, yes, but in memory of those lost, just bring in on, stack it up, and gobble it down with a serving of bitterness.

There is a wishlist on my hi 5, I do not know what material items I should have, I guess I am greedy

when it is empty, u just can't.......

a part of me just died. hate when that happens. only void. trying to grab hold of memories.

To you my friend.
abiit, excessit, evasit, erupit

Medic!!!!!

Poptart needs a medic. Nat was “down”, Joe was “down” when I was about to leave. Mind you, I’ve seen them pop up when a good song comes up. I was half down not down as usual. It’s my sign. Last night to see sharonT, guess I would not see her till next april. Oh well, all good things come to an end, c’est la vie, d’abord c’est le française, maintenant, c’est le fille trés trés charmant. Ben, tant pis.

A medic would come in handy. I could actually ask him/her for some balls. I saw that gal from the Phuture Poptart. Smile again at her, but my &##$%@% golden mouth could not even say a “hi”, not even a “h” or an “i”. WTF is wrong with me?? /smack me with a trout. Good thing Nat snap some photos of her. I think You’re Beautiful by James Blunt was playing. How appropriate, just like MTV, especially the chorus.

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

Guess she was the closest thing to Miss Kwan, was her birthday that night, and it was a full moon night, and I called her to wish her happy birthday, her voice was still as heavenly as I remembered…….




I promise I will open my mouth the next time I see the gal from Poptart

The drinking starts again

Ignore the header. I do not know what the put in and just anyhow gahsak in.

Contradiction
con·tra·dic·tion n.
1) The act of contradicting.
2) The state of being contradicted.
3) A denial.
4) Inconsistency; discrepancy.
5) Something that contains contradictory elements.

I am a contradiction and I love any form of thing, principle and action that is contradicting in a save way. Walking down CBD in light drizzle (those where you run, you get hit more, but if you walk you get less droplets of rain) around 2.30 AM on a Friday night flashes for me a vision of contradiction. The stillness of the night, the light showering of water barely visible on the streetlights bright. You can’t feel anyone in the building but you know that during the day, the bustle of activity is thick all around you, whilst I walk to get some $$ for the cab home, I feel a sense of serenity. As if someone cast “Tranquility – remove all enchantments” something to fall asleep to. But I gotta log this down first

Dinner was at Brewerkz with Pete, Tony, Pete’s new guy, Nancy boy, and Henry. Thank you peter and thank you uncle bill for a fantastic dinner and beer.

Went to cosmos to meet sharon & sharon cos nat spinning. Nat is cute. I want to be a clone-ist now. I want to clone a Nat to keep. She reminds me of Conker. So stun when sharonL ask the question that I’ve been asking everyone “Would it have been better if the path well traveled was took instead of the path of being who you are/wanna be?” Something along that line lah. But it is good to find out someone else thinks the same way you do. I am surprised by that. And she is very pretty. Missed PAW this whole week, hope to see him tomorrow at poptart. Heard Lee is going too. Oh.. and Xiao Bai birthday treat today, that woman can really eat, Phengz

All around me are familar place, familar monsters

The Korean media rating board have problems completing the 2 games we are putting in their market, Rainbow 6: Lockdown and Ninja Gaiden Black. Boss should fly me to Korea to demo it for them. At least I would have a better idea how the KMRB works. Cleared 12 of16 stages in NGB in 6 hours. That is due to some slip up and I still can't get that bloody scarab on the railway stage. Running the game again is like a walk down memory lane. I still remember how lah wa we are when we cleared the stages faster than anyone else on the build. The tough part will be up soon where I gotta start farming for some in game moolah. For those who think that Ninja Gaiden is just a game, think again. It is one of the mutha!$%#&#, rip your hair out, I really want to kill Itagaki, CCB, KNNZ, kinda game. It is VERY VERY difficult. Don't believe me? This is what Penny arcade reviewed it when the Ver. 1 came out

Maybe going out with phiphi tomorrow and I am definately going to Poptart on Saturday. Sad to hear that sharonT is not going, and she is heading back to UK on monday. Sad sad. hahaha.

Big sista from HK game be egg rolls, yummy, and 2 Gundam pieces. Wonder why people think I like Gundam. I admit that I used to save recess money just to buy a mag with 1 page of Gundam comics in chinese, that I do not know how to read, during my primary school days. But I think I've grown out of it. Poptart this time round would be a bit weird cos the 2 new found friends won't be there. There is always the usual suspects and its the company that matters :)

I am soooo friggin tired. WTF am I still up writing this shyte for?!?!?!?! Hope the pic comes up ok.. it's my 1st pic.....

Reminder: Talk to paul about the IMDB shyte

Excuse the title, I have no idea what to put up and I really need to talk to Paul about that. Old man getting forgetful :(
Ah… it’s another Tuesday night and what else better to do than to rant about what has happen, will not happen and may happen.

Watch Tiramisu performed last night and when to Newton to talk cock with friends. Got to see sharonT, actually, I asked her down. Tiramisu was good, I liked it, perfect with the lovely company standing next to you… hehe… too bad she can’t stay. Newton on a Monday night again, a bit of a déjà vu. The Bak Kut Mee is great after having European beer, and by chance, discovered that Tsingtao Beer with Chrysanthemum (damm its hard to spell chrysanthemum) is not bad. 5 guys with beer, Key topics are Movies, Beautiful places and of course women on how we love and respect them, I AM NOT kidding. I like talking about things like that, such a good change from talking about cars, women with big boobs or a sexy figure, how much one is making.

What will not happen is that I am not going to get hitch (see may happen), have ample sleep, maybe even go to England this year (see may happen), do up my room the way I want (see may happen), get my “pigeon book of languages” sorted out (see may happen) and last but not least, think/over analyze less.

HOWEVER!!!!!
I may get hitch (if I find my courage and think less), go to England (if PAW is going), revamp my room the way I want it (if I am not going to England), get my language book done (if I get off WoW crack), Hey, the possibilities are endless.

I love Serenaide, I can listen to them the whole night, which is what I am doing.

Here is a parting thought… Everyone is ambitious, those who do not look ambitious are just buying time due to lack of resource. hehe.. maybe I should do those tag line thingys...

POPtarted, the aftermath.

Last night went pass in a blur, a good blur. Listened to Typewriter, the music is not bad, cool thing is they dedicated a song to PaW and his Missus, very sweet.

After that, I headed to Zouk to meet sharonT to “chop” hand. I get tickled pink whenever I hear someone used the word “chop”, must be because of AA’s initial remark on it, well, that bloke is applying for PR. Good for him.

After hand “chopping”, rushed down to watch Serenaide. Seeing them perform with the backdrop of the CBD is beautiful, almost magical. It’s like the extreme differences, the harshness and stress of those buildings with the quirky, uplifting music. They had additional members in their band last night, all dressed in light blue. They did the cover for “There is a light that never goes out”.

After that, the party of 6 went to Zouk, with Tim lugging what I believe to be a keyboard. I wonder what would the baggies over and Zouk would think… Should have been there to check out their faces. Shared the cab there with the 2 sharons and we won the unofficial cab race. MUAHAHAHA… I still can’t believe sharonL is older than me. They should have her for those SK II or fountain of youth commercials. Her looks defy the laws of time!!!!

After that, we arrive just in time for Midnight Madness. Here was the booze inventory just as Midnight Madness closed its gates.
Tim – 2 jugs of Vodka Orange
PAW – 2 jugs of what is believe to be Vodka Redbull
Joe – 2 jugs of Long Island T.
Me – 2 jugs of Vodka Redbull.
That excluded the 4 Heine between the 2 sharons and 2 e33 between me & PAW, for nostaligia. Kelvin Tong and the lead from Eating Wind was there. Friendly of Benji to introduce himself. PaW, Nat and Joe were snapping away for Poptart. The usual anthems et al were played, the usual hopping were there. There was luvving in da air!!! One by one the group left, as the lights came up, in usual party pooper zouk style, the only one left are sharonT and her friend “Jon”(can’t recall his name but… ), ailin, and a tipsy Nat.

After that, walk her out. She was asking question like a little girl. So cute. Packed her in a cab, and headed home. Hope she went back ok. Good night I must say. Till next POPTART. Now, I need some sunlight.

POPTART... TONITE!!

Poptart tonite. Serenaide playing at Esplanade. AA at attica, Midnite sale at Bugis, Drum and Bass at Home. So many places so little time. And tomolo have WCG finals.

Late already, SEE YOU ON MONDAY!!!

working baaaaaaad, slacking gooooooood

2 days not touching WoW even I had the chance. Good for me!!! Ripping songs from VC and surfing the net. Making use of the Internet for information 10 years too late. The cough still linger with me even though I drink like a fish the last week. MAKE IT GO AWAY!!!! Attended a council meeting last night. Feels good that I got a chance to make a difference. Hope the boys get in to the WCG finals and represent Singapore. They are really tough and committed to win.

Poptart and Serenaide this Saturday. Asked sharonT to share the tick with me. A bit excited but all the dismay going ons at work kinda dampen the enthusiasm. To sum up this week, even though I have Friday to go thru, nay at work and yay out of work, cept for the rude awakening by rae rae. Are we really like that? :(

Think I am going to squeeze in another episode of the family guy. Then I would need to sort out my music collection. Can’t believe I actually not like the fact I am going to work tomorrow but alas, I need to and I have to. It’s part of the being responsible, be a man. lol. Well, no plans for my Friday night. Maybe it will be good to rest it out. It’s going to be helluva party on Saturday. Should hear some Mew to J …
Parting note, I think Miss Kwan is stunningly beautiful when she smiles, makes me want to end time with a beautiful memory.

WTF, My mouse died

Monday missed out being blue. The boy came back to work, talking about how his trip went, saying how much I need to visit China. Honestly, FUCK YEAH I will go China. It’s like my mother land. Though I need to brush up on my Chinese first… hehehe.

Rushed out for the gig playing at Bar None suppose to meet Aladdin, phiphi and Jojo. Met with an old tango colleague, matthew hock. Small island what. “today” came as well later. Tim, Joe and Nat were there as well. First band had Fuzz, Second band “today” said was like a G&R meet Smiths, I like some of their song, Joe concurs. Third was Astreal. Ginnette was nice. (the overused word nice for something good but not at it’s optimum)
But I love her bass guitar. I am infatuated with it. It looks like Bluegrass’s guitar from Sliverhawks. Wicked!!!!. Great, I Love inanimate objects. I love Ginnette’s Bass Guitar
I love Ollie’s bed with white sheets. I need to go out more.

Saw ailin there as well, got her e-mail cos I hope to pay the Goys a visit next year and maybe spend some time looking at Paris. Will be good to hang out with a friendly face instead of the lonely exploration.

Went makaning at Kneelton after that and saw Joe alone there. Joined us and we sat and chatted for almost 2 hrs. phiphi was tired. Felt really bad that she had to wait but I was am always a fool for good company. And everyone knows my bane.

Free frag here.. come shoot me

Worst thing, my mouse just died.

Bliss

Woo Hooo! That's wat I said tonite.. and I feel.. Went makan with AA and Jojo then went for FREE FLOW booze. But.. I left for a greater purpose. hehehehe meet PAW PAW for sheesha and then Cosmos.
Now .. why the "Woo Hoo" This is one of the more eventful, or should I say "FULL day that I have. Though I woke up at 11ish, a bit of cartoons, a bit of WoW (very productive) and then Dinner at Chinatown. Soaking up the aura of Keong Siak Road where the old houses are with they dingy rooms (it's my immigrant blood talking)... I feel bliss. I like to interact. Who doesn't eh? But having conversations about Life in general always interest me and AA is one who I can talk with on Life, after all we are both Cynical and Jaded with a contradictory dash of hopeful-ness. It kinda feels good to know that you are not the only one that reflects about life. I am not saying all my friends are shallow, but it’s just that being “AWARE” is always refreshing… huh ????
Anyways… on with the tale… Met up with PAW for a bit of sheesha and they had the Arabic dance thingy. Bring back memories of Vivie. Je te manqué … c’est vrai.
I just sat there.. half smashed. Yes.. I am nostalgic. Then we adjourned to Cosmos. I took a cab with sharonT. She is pretty amazing gal. I can’t remember when was the last time I met a gal who is smart & tactful. I just find her interesting.. correction.. very very interesting. Don’t ask me why.. it’s a “feeling” kinda thing. Maybe she is tactful or maybe she is more mature than her age.. I dunno lah. Cosmos was nice. I love all the music that was played. The company with good to. sharonL is a funny girl… reminds me of Poly friends. Maybe me and PAW PAW is trying to relive or keep the joy of “youth”, but I think, HECK IT, we are us and regardless what we do, it doesn’t really matter rite?? YES. Hahaha just answer my own question.. I need to talk to REAL PEOPLE.
The finale of it all is, (if you are reading this now my friend ;) ) is that I got sharonT’s number. Hey.. I don’t want to “sian” her for the record. I am just doing what I want for myself. I need people with their own thoughts and view and respect other’s.. no dogma ideals here.. if the world will be like that.. it will be a good place to live in, and all economies will fail!!! Hahah.. I should be French.

So… the icing on the cake, the punchline, the headshot of it all is … Yes,. The number. Or maybe it the “good-for-me-I-got-balls” asking for her her number. I dunno lah.. I am refraining from thinking too much. Makes me sane, like sheep.